Good ol’ Phaedra Parks helped instigate the Peter/Apollo fight last week.
Tonight, she again initiated another verbal altercation, this one between Kandi Burruss and Kandi’s opinionated mom Joyce.
Why? As Phaedra noted last season, she loves the strippers. As an attorney, she even represents one (named Ridickulous) who is so big, well, he has talents that most men are incapable of. And he demonstrated this said talent at Kandi’s 35th birthday party on the rooftop of the Renaissance Hotel in Midtown.
Kandi was cool with it. And Phaedra was in heaven.
“You won’t be able to find that in your local retailer,” Phaedra drawled.
Noting that Phaedra is his attorney, Kandi cracked, “Given how big that is, he probably gets sued for damages.” (A cymbal should have went off after that clunker!)
Kandi’s mom Joyce walked away disgusted. “I don’t like no damn strippers!” she yelped.
NeNe, despite her own stripper past, acted all grossed out. by Ridickulous. “It’s disgusting,” she said, especially since people were wearing Gucci and Versace. (huh?)
“Me and Phaedra and Sheree were laughing,” Kandi explained later. “I wasn’t thinking about everybody else.” Especially her mom, who left early, cursing up a storm.
“It’s my 35th birthday,” said Kandi, chagrined, “And I feel like five.”
By the way, Kandi invited everyone to this party – except Kim, who is eight months pregnant. So the separation between Kim and NeNe continues. Sheree and Phaedra keep their distance from NeNe. Kandi said she hates being in the middle – but she invited them all there. (It’s a TV show. Everyone goes with it.)
“It’s like the Crips and the Bloods,” Phaedra notes. But no bloodshed happens. Just a big chill.
What happened to the other housewives?
- Cynthia Bailey brought her sister Malorie to see her husband Peter at his new bar Bar One, which was about to open. Since Malorie and Cynthia’s mom were so worried about Cynthia’s mental state last season before her wedding, they pondered hiding the marriage certificate. Peter found out later, probably when the episode aired. He was peeved. He thought he was cool with Malorie until then and was hurt. Malorie tried to explain to him that she protecting her sister. He didn’t really buy it. “It wasn’t your day!” he said. In frustration, he got up and left, saying it was okay, even though it wasn’t. Malorie started crying.
Later, Malorie and Cynthia got into an argument because Malorie disapproved of Cynthia even pondering helping Peter out financially with his bar. (His last one belly flopped.) Cynthia got defensive and called out Malorie on her marriage issues. They then tried to cool down but it’s obvious the issue will rear its ugly head again in the future.
- Kim Zolciak got very little airtime this week. She opened the episode meeting with Phaedra, who carried a peace offering gift basket for what happened at the baby shower with her husband and Peter. Kim appreciated it, noting that Cynthia didn’t call her to apologize. She also met with a baby consultant (despite the fact she’s had two kids already) since her third will be a boy. They queasily talked circumcision.
- Sheree Whitfield saw no progress on her new home and brought Phaedra to be her lawyer. They verbally roughed up the contractor in hopes that they don’t have to go to court down the road.
- NeNe revealed to Cynthia that she had sex with Gregg after she got back from Miami though they are still technically separated. “Greg likes it down,” NeNe said. “He can be a tiger!”
NOTABLE QUOTES (there were plenty this week!)
“Note to self: keep the ex cons and ***holes off the guest list next time.” - Kim Zolciak, about any future parties, after the Peter/Apollo dust up last week.
“I don’t know how old Peter is. 65? 75? He’s entirely too old to be yelling at a ***king baby shower.” - Kim, in classy verbal mode again.
“I was on morphine. I was on epidural. I was crazy as a vampire in sunlight!” - Phaedra, on having her baby.
“I’m turning 35 this year. I’m feeling like I’m not married. I want to have another child. It’s kind of depressing. But it is like a milestone so it’s time to party.” - Kandi, rationalizing a party when it was probably the producers’ idea.
“I think Kandi wanted a friendship and Kim wanted a hit song.” - NeNe, pondering why Kandi and Kim have grown apart since “Tardy for a Party” became a huge hit.
“When you are as low down as Sheree, hitting below the belt, trying to dig up your past, you don’t deserve the friendship of NeNe Leakes.” – NeNe Leakes, placing herself in third person like Prince or Shaq.
“I don’t want him growing up with his peepee wearing a turtleneck.” - Kim, on getting her baby circumcised.
“Cynthia needs to set boundaries” between her husband and her family.” - NeNe.
“For a black man, it’s better to see you going than coming. Having a nice donkey booty is like having a carrot and dangling it in front of a horse.” - Phaedra, who teased and threatened a contractor, often at the same time.
“I never leave home without a taser. They’d be glad I left the .357 in the car!” - Phaedra, on her self-defense methods. Watch out Mr. Contractor!
“Lawrence looks like Mr. T dipped in Wonder Woman. Super hero of the South!” - Phaedra, after seeing Lawrence at the 35th birthday party.
“I just enter and my presence takes over the room.” NeNe, modest as always.
TEASER FOR NEXT WEEK
Peter loses $40,000 from an investor for his new bar. Cynthia is thinking about chipping in herself but is not happy about it. We see ex-hubby Bob Whitfield for the first time as Sheree tries to wrangle child support from him. And “Housewives” wannabe Marlo Hampton makes her debut. The rumore: she was dating an NFL player Chris Grant that NeNe also had dated.
RATINGS
Last week, ratings were up to 3.2 million from 3 million the week before. The first three episodes were up 700,000 viewers over a year ago, averaging 3 million. I’ll update this Monday or Tuesday with the ratings from episode No. 4.
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